Bumbo Boy

We pulled out Annie's old Bumbo seat yesterday, as Liam has great head control and thought he might like a little sit up. He looked a little confused by his new perch, but seemed to enjoy hanging out in the bathroom as Annie splashed around in the bath. 

Here he is in the seat, and a picture of Annie the first time she used it. They are sooo related!  

Just keep feeding...

We had a bit of a rough morning today with Liam feeding badly. He hasn't had the best breast attachment since birth, having a very shallow suck that results in very loud slurping. Kinda cute and enthusiastic sounding, but hell on the nipples and means he feeds A LOT. This morning he fed particularly badly- sucking noisily for hours and still acting hungry. He shoved his little fist in his mouth and stared at me accusingly, as if to say "I'm still starving!" 

I headed to the Maternal and Child Health Clinic where we've been before about his attachment to get some help.  Liam's loud cough brought over a kind nurse and when she asked how she could help- I burst into tears. I sobbed so much I had a darn asthma attack- very attractive. I am so frustrated and unsure of what to do with his feeding- and keep receiving conflicting advice every time I reach out. 

The ABA said to try baby-led attachment- let him hop on and feed how he wants. The previous MACH nurses I saw said that I've got an over supply and he has adapted his feeding as not to drown! Today he apparently has a recessed chin and is feeding lots as my supply has dropped. All advice has ended with just give it time- and just keep feeding. I saw the GP today as well, about Liam's cough but was told that he will get over it and that I should, yep you guessed it, just keep feeding.

I'm so surprised to have such issues feeding Liam, as I fed Annie for nearly two years, and just figured I had this breast feeding thing down! Every child is different I guess- and I'll just keep feeding until we get it.

R U OK?

Today is national "R U OK? Day" a fabulous initiative that raises the importance of talking about mental health and encourages communication, connection and support. I really hope it can encourage an open dialogue about the all too common issues of mental health problems. Today I have been thinking in particular about men, and their vulnerability to depression and suicide in Australia.

Women are generally so much better at supporting each other and talking through their problems. Mums especially will often find themselves a support network of other mums and use it, while the services for those suffering post natal depression are well publicised. The stigma of such mental health problems is hugely diminished from what it once was, and women are more able to talk about their feelings and receive that valuable assistance.

Men on the other hand still suffer largely in silence. Distressingly, four times the number of men who suffer from depression will end their lives with suicide. Any initiative that aims to get the country talking about mental health deserves praise, if only for giving men a casual avenue to open that conversation.

I consider myself in many ways to be a feminist. I believe in equality and opportunity, and think it is pretty amazing to be a woman.  I do worry, however, that feminism is to blame for the scary statistics relating to male mental health. Actually for female anxiety too, for that matter.

The gender wars are no longer raging, but have burnt to a smouldering heap of bitterness. Women are caught in an infinite loop of "having it all', while men stand way back on the sidelines, fearful of contributing to the debate, lest they be attacked for being misogynistic oppressors. Men have largely lost their gender identity and it is hurting everyone. Men no longer know what they should be, instead they simply fit in around the choices of their female partner. Women crave a dominant, confident provider, but still want to make their own decisions and choices independently. I really fear that for too long women have fallen on feminism to get ahead. I believe it was needed to equalise and begin a dialogue, but the pendulum has swung too far, and men have just about become the devil incarnate.

Put simply, I look at the attitudes and patterns of society and worry. I worry about my little boy and how I will help him be sensitive, gentle and loving man while forging ahead confidently. (I don't so much worry about Annie- though fear she may use her powers for evil!) I hope that we can get over the battle of the sexes and simply focus on humanity- supporting whoever needs help and being open and honest in our dealings.

As a mother, wife and daughter I realise that I am the one that has to ask the question of the men I love; "R U OK?".

12 Weeks Old

My sweet Liam was 12 weeks old today, and woke up with a hideous case of conjunctivitis, passed on from Annie. It was so bad that his poor little eye was almost swollen shut. Amazingly he was still in good spirits, smiling and cooing all day. With a little breast milk and lots of cleaning out with a warm, wet flannel his eye is on the mend. 

Liam is such a beautiful boy- so alert and curious. He reaches out to touch things all the time and loves to smile and coo at me as I feed him. I walked along yesterday just staring down at him in the carrier, with his eyes fixed upon mine. He is definitely mummy's boy, getting anxious and flailing if out of my arms for more than a few minutes. I wait for Shane to be home so I can take a shower, and more often than not, the two of them camp outside the shower until I'm done!

 

Daddy is starting to gain his affection though- especially as he never fails to make Liam smile with a game of 'got your nose', 'ear tickle' or a swaying rendition of "Dino Stomp".

Annie is starting to realise that Liam will make a great playmate, if not a fun toy! I had to share this pic of Liam looking a little concerned at being in Annie's bed with all her other babies.

Liam, is such a joyful, new soul- always looking at the world with such amazement. I love that he is so different to Annie in many ways and makes me love and mother him differently.

I can't believe how quickly the time has gone!

Sweet Sunday

Today was a glorious Sunday, with brunch visitors, endless games, baking bread, gardening and a huge walk. Spring fought its way through the crazy Canberra weather and created a lovely warm day. Blooms are appearing in my little garden and the outside beckons.

We walk along the trails behind our suburb, spotting cows in neighbouring fields and ducks in the lake. It is such a lovely area.

Annie collects interesting leaves, flowers and stones for her growing nature table, and insists on running the entire way. How she still doesn't tire, I will never know!

Liam too, seems to enjoy our walks. He is carried in his 'pouch' and will fall asleep quite quickly. Wearing him is the only way he will sleep, so at least I can get out in the fresh air while he naps.

An Almost Perfect Day

I've been a smidge behind in blogging due to being sick, but am jumping back in now! This past Tuesday was my first day at home with both Annie and Liam. It was, quite surprisingly, one of the best days ever!

We had playgroup in the morning, a fabulous Steiner school group that is just so beautiful. We baked our bread for mornig tea, then as the children played happily outside the mums chatted on a rug in the sun. Annie presented me with numerous tins of 'sand pie' which I helped her decorate with 'herbs' (gum leaves) andwas in a fabulous mood. Liam seemed to enjoy his first time hanging out outside, kicking his legs happily in the warm sun before tucking into some more mummy milk.

We headed home in a happy, positive mood and I found myself wanting to make better/ healthier decisions all day. I made salads for lunch and we ate outside. Annie just loves a picnic, and was thrilled to have more time in the sun.

We then spent the entire afternoon outside playing. I did some weeding, which Annie helped with and then blew some bubbles. Liam was happy in his bouncer until milk time, when I bought a quilt outside and fed while watching Annie jump on the trampoline.

I am not sure if it was because I was so anxious to set the tone for what our life will be while I am home with the two little ones, or some kind random mixture of weather, activities and mood, but everything was perfect. I lost count of the number of times I smiled to myself, thinking "This is it, this is what I am meant to do". It was certainly a far cry from the previous Tuesday a week before when we came home crying from our first outing together, the three of us!

The only small mar on our otherwise perfect day was when we tried to go for a walk to meet Shane's bus. The day had been pleasantly not rushed, but as soon as I saw the time ticking before the bus would arrive I turned into Crazy Mama. I found myself getting progressively more irritated as Annie faffed about not putting on shoes,  not getting her hat, wanting to get a doll and so on. I hated that I was raising my voice, especially when we had done so well all day.

We finally got out the door after a tantrum over Annie wanting to hold Barkley's lead herself (we would be walking next to the road- I said no) and with Liam happily perched in his mei tai carrier. We managed to get just four doors up when I cheerfully tried to distract my sulking girl with chatter. "Listen, Annie, I hear some puppies barking- lets see of we can see them when we walk past".
Just then one of the barking dogs- a huge mixed breed thing- jumped the fence and charged towards us. It aggressivley stood over Barkley, growling and snarling. I turned, and quicker than I thought possible had the four of us back in our house, pulling Annie's hand and the lead with a barking Barkley. I barely remember how I did it, but was a complete puddle of nerves.

The four of us sat in the front hall crying a little, when a neighbour stopped in to check on us after seeing the dog attack. She told us the same dog had killed another on the neighbourhood just last week, when it scared the poor little thing into having a heart attack.
Luckily Shane arrived home not long after and Annie was able to tell her story of the 'mean doggy that Barkley shooed away".

At least the major disaster of the day wasn't completely my fault. We'll be taking our walks in the opposite direction in future!

Mama Down!

The illness that has been making its way through the family has finally reached me resulting in a horrid fluey fever and dizziness. I’ve been lucky to have Shane stay home to help out- even standing was almost impossible this morning.

I’m feeling a little better this evening after a day of rest. It has been lovely spending the day in bed with my small, sweet boy. He still needed his milk and quite enjoyed the uninterrupted snuggles!